3 Good Reasons (Part 2)

The first installment went rather well, so I thought I'd follow up with the sequel. Any posts after this upcoming Halloween/Comic Con weekend will likely be full of lots of pictures and updates, so I'll get this out there before it leaves my brain entirely. Here are more reasons to see the world the way I do, and why you're living your life just plain wrong if you don't.



3 Good Reasons to Take a Bath Instead of a Shower

1 - You can't make fart bubbles in the shower. If you could, I'd be astounded.
2 - The shower drowns out the sound of your amazing singing voice.
3 - You can't lie down in the shower. I guess you could, but that's just weird.


3 Good Reasons to Own a Cell Phone (***sarcasm alert***)

1 - In an emergency, they can provide a vital link to assistance.
2 - You can reach your customers/clients/business contacts anytime, anywhere, thus making the process of doing business much smoother.
3 - You can call your friend while you're on the bus on the way to their house and ask them what kind of beer you should pick up at the vendor. Or you can call them from the vendor and ask them if they prefer Moosehead or Brewhouse, even though you only have enough in your pocket to get a 12 of Brewhouse. Make sure to try and persuade them toward the cheaper beer while you've got them on the phone, and make sure you're right at the counter and there's at least 2 people waiting in line behind you. If your friend wants Moosehead, he'll have to kick in, and come down and meet you. Also, if you're friend has to look around his house for extra cash, it's OK - you can wait on the phone - so can the vendor guy and all the other people behind you in line. (After all, you have a cell phone - you're important). Or you could wait until after you've bought your beer and you're standing outside your friend's house at 2 am on a Monday night. I'm sure that his wife wouldn't mind you stopping by for a few beers....



3 Good Reasons Not to Own a Cell Phone

1 - People can reach you at any time, and therefore, you have no excuse not to talk to them.
2 - One monthly payment will, on average, cost the same as a two-four of beer or a comparable amount of the recreational substance of your choice.
3 - Brain Cancer. OK, so I don't know if this is true or not, but my poor brain has suffered enough abuse (see #2, above).



3 Good Reasons Why Being a Rock Star is Better than Being a Porn Star

1 - It's 100% legal to perform a 'solo' in public.
2 - People everywhere recognize you from the neck up.
3 - The public pays millions a year to see Aerosmith or the Rolling Stones, but no one wants to watch a 65 year old porn star doing his thing.



3 Good Reasons to Live in Canada

1 - Free Universal Healthcare.
2 - People don't sue each other all the time or legally carry guns in public.
3 - Every Canadian kid can know the sensation of having his/her tongue stuck to a metal pole in the winter. You just can't get that in Florida.



3 Good Reasons to Stop Writing and Go to Bed

1 - It's 3 am.
2 - The cat wants something.
3 - I've run out of things to write about.


'Nuff said!


May the Force be with you...

3 Good Reasons

Opinions are like........well, you know the rest. I figure that if you can’t give 3 good reasons as to why you do, like, think or believe something, why are you doing/liking/thinking/believing that thing? Here’s a few things I can give 3 reasons for....in most cases I can give more than 3, but then people tend to get sick of listening.



3 Good Reasons Why Pearl Jam is the Greatest Band in the World

1- Their tour is Environmentally Friendly and Carbon Neutral (it's true-look it up). They are also socially active, politically left-wing and intelligent about their music and their careers.

2- Eddie Vedder is the most gifted male singer alive today. And he writes awesome lyrics. If I ever grow up, I want to be just like him.

3- They just are. Deal with it.


3 Good Reasons Why Cats Are Better Than Dogs
1- Cats don't kill or severely injure children. Dogs do.

2- Cats bury their droppings. Some dogs are inclined to eat it.

3- Dog owners cut off ("dock") parts of their dogs' bodies for esthetic purposes. Cats are perfect and need no alterations.


3 Good Reasons Why Liv Tyler Ruined Lord Of The Rings

1- Her character never appeared in the books. She did not rescue Frodo from the Black Riders at the river. She was not in Rivendell during the forging of the Fellowship. She did not convince Elrond to reforge Aragorn's sword. She did not marry Aragorn at the end of Return of the King. Arwen Evenstar appeared briefly in an Appendix after the main text of Return of the King and was not featured in the actual novels at all. I realize that a lot of things were altered in the movie adaptation, but her expanded role is one of the few that bothers me. This move by the directors seems like a very ‘Hollywood Boardroom’ type of decision. Yes, it did bring more of the female perspective (and thus more female attention) to an otherwise male dominated story, but LOTR is a classic piece of literature, and great literature will be a reflection of its’ time. It was written 60+ years ago when we were all at war and not quite so politically correct. Edit all you like, but adding major characters to another’s story shows a lack of respect for the original. Sorry Peter Jackson, the movies are otherwise great, but she didn’t belong.

2- Her scenes were overly long and boring, did absolutely nothing to contribute to the story and were horribly acted (at least by her). Looked more like a Whitesnake (or is it Aerosmith?) video than a classic fantasy story.

3- Her fake accent is annoying, and she doesn't look one bit like an elf.


3 Good Reasons Why Star Wars is Better Than Star Trek

1- Nobody ever wore color-coordinated spandex in Star Wars.

2- Nobody ever sang Showtunes in Star Wars. (You hear me, Data fans?)

3- Darth Vader could snap Khan's neck like a twig.


3 Good Reasons Not to Watch Television

1- Moronic Reality Shows (ie: all reality shows. Yes - all.)

2- It`s 80% recycled, repetitive, plagarized or just plain pointless. The remaining 20% is advertising.

3- Avatar:The Last Airbender isn`t on TV anymore.


3 Good Reasons Why I Hate Thanksgiving

1- Turkey

2- Pumpkin Pie

3- Football



I kind of enjoy this format. I think I’ll use it again in the future. I’ve ranted enough for now, and I apologize for going off about Liv Tyler for so long. My brother thinks I have a problem with that.



Later

May the Force be with you...

More Photos....

I don't have a lot to say at the moment, so I thought I'd post some more photos. I've been very busy lately and this is all I've got time for. I promise that the next post will be a little more exciting.

May the Force be with you...

The Newest Bailer (Part II)

Couldn't be happier with the new cat! He's super-loveable, and doesn't mind being followed around and harassed by little girls all day. Chloe is totally in love with him....Daphne shies away a little bit still (I think the cat freaks her out when he runs and jumps all over the place), but she's definitely fascinated by this little black purr-box. Last night, we had trouble getting her to bed because she wanted to know where the cat was all night.

After much discussion, we picked a name for him. His name is Pepper. Although I actually suggested this one, I had other names in mind that I liked better. Some of the ones we tossed around were: Sokka or Momo (after the Avatar characters), Panther (Chloe's idea), Eddie (Eddie Van Bailer! Also, my Dad's name is Ed) and Lando (from Star Wars of course). I think Pepper is a fitting name, even though I think it's a little wussy, and it's easy for Daphne to say: 'Peppa! Peppa!'  A wussy name works since he is a big wuss anyway. Loves to have his belly rubbed and be petted all day.

Just like any other cat, he's incredibly curious, but he hasn't really been into too much trouble - at least not yet. He's a bit of a scaredy-cat at this point - I guess he's just getting comfortable with his surroundings. I'm sure I'll catch him doing something I don't like soon. At least he doesn't jump all over the counters and shelves yet. First time he messes with my Godzilla collection, he's going to get an earful. Of course, cat hair will be an issue, but so far so good.

Welcome to the family, Pepper!

May the Force be with you...

Greatest Comics - EVER!

Just listed a bunch of excellent comics in my Ebay store. All of the comics pictured in this post are for sale right now. With the exception of Peter Parker, the Spectacular Spider-Man #1, they are all listed for 7 days, starting at .99c with no reserve! Many of these are from a friend's collection, and let me tell you, I've never seen another collector with more discriminating tastes and attention to detail. Check em all out here.

I am a comic collector myself, but I had abandoned the hobby for a good number of years and am just recently getting back into it. I'm sitting at about 1000 books right now, but I am always buying and selling, and it seems I buy more than sell lately.

My recent favorite titles are The Mighty THOR, Hellboy, HULK, and Fantastic Four. I've always been more of a Marvel than a DC fan, but I do enjoy the odd Batman or Ambush Bug comic. As for older stuff, I have a lot  of old X-Men, Godzilla, Avengers, Fantastic Four and Thor and my all-time favorite, Alpha Flight (for those of you unfamiliar with this title, they are the Canadian equivalent of the Avengers, featuring characters like Sasquatch, Puck and Snowbird). Although everything will eventually be for sale (with the exception of a few absolute favorite books), I`m waiting for the right time to sell my Thor collection (when the movie comes out) and I may never sell the Godzillas.

Okay, that`s enough for now. I`ll probably post more comics for sale on this blog in the future. Rebel Alliance Canada has a rotating stock of cool stuff all the time. I also have a lot of Star Wars Miniatures for sale, and I usually have a good number and variety of other interesting things in there. Bye for now. I`ll tell you more about the cat later.

May the Force be with you...

The Newest Bailer

Before you get all excited - no, we aren't having another baby. We decided a few days ago that the time was right to get a new pet. Actually, the Winnipeg Humane Society decided that the time was right for us; they had a big sale this weekend.

Lately, I haven't been very fond of the WHS, but we got a good deal and the kids are happy, so I won't open up that can of worms just yet. Bobbie and I secretly planned yesterday to go there this afternoon.

The day started with a visit to the Winnipeg Winter Club for Chloe's swimming lessons. After this we had a snack and a coffee in their cafeteria. All morning we kept it a secret as to where this 'special place' was that we were going after. Chloe was getting pretty annoyed with not knowing.

Anyway, we drove up to the Humane Society and she knew where we were, but assumed that we were just visiting. Her jaw nearly hit the floor when we  told her we were going to be taking a cat home. She wanted to grab the first one we saw and get out of there before we changed our minds! We encouraged her to look around and play with all different cats to get a feel for which one to adopt. Daphne was squealing with delight the entire time we were there!

Being a cat lover myself, I was probably having more fun than the kids, and after seeing all the little cats I was ready to pull out the Mastercard and pay the outrageous $200 fee that they want for kittens under 6 months. The deal was, however, that we'd take one of the adult cats (only $25!) and that's what we eventually did, after a great deal of searching. In the very last room, hidden in the bottom corner cage was the perfect cat for us. Here's a picture of him from the WHS website (I was too busy with the kids and holding the cat to take pictures at the time) :

The name the Humane Society gave him was 'Darcie', which none of us like and is going to change right away. We were all very happy with how friendly and even-tempered he seemed, even with two little girls shrieking and pawing at him. This was the cat for us! All we needed to do now was fill out the paperwork....

Turns out that, because of this crazy big sale, the place had a backlog of pet adoptions to take care of, we couldn't take him home today, but Bobbie and the girls will pick him up tomorrow as soon as they open.

So, in short, we got a cat, but we don't got no cat yet....

Chloe and I went to good old Wal Mart and picked up all the supplies that we need, and she hasn't stopped talking about the cat all day. I know that she's going to turn out to be a loving and responsible pet owner. The only thing I'm not looking forward to is her and Daphne fighting over who gets to feed him and have him sleep on their bed.

Tomorrow is the big day! After we get him home and we get more of a feel for his personality, we're going to name him. The Bailer Family has swelled to five members (fifteen if you count the fish) and we couldn't be more excited!

Til' tomorrow,

May the Force be with you...

How to Speak to Your Action Figures

Got into the kids' toys today. I have two daughters - five, and one and a half - and they have the coolest toys! There's a lot of girly stuff in there, but they've inherited a lot of my old toys as well. Beauty part of it all is, I can play with the kids and shoot some spectacular photos of toys at the same time.

Anyway, there are TONS of plastic animals, lots of Barbies (w/all the accessories), a great deal of dinosaurs, Disney characters and stuffed animals galore. Not to mention farm sets, castles, trucks and race cars, pretend food and much, much more. Their collection is a perfect ready-to-go arsenal of materials for the type of photography that I enjoy the most, as I'm sure is immediately apparent by looking at my photos. I intend to make obscene amounts of money doing this someday. Did I mention that all my works are for sale?



You too can harness the incredible creative power of toy photography - or just waste time and rip off toy companies by taking pictures of their licensed products. Whatever - you decide your own destiny. I know you're dying to learn the secrets of this ancient artform. Here's a step by step guide on how to do it:

a) Pick up any toy that you have in your home. Action figures work best for this exercise. If you have no action figures in your home, I feel sorry for you, because you're probably so homophobic that you're worried that someone would call you a sissy if you did. Seriously though, anything with eyes will do. Look into those toy eyes and think about that toy - think about what that toy is seeing through those eyes. What's it thinking? If he/she/it could speak to you, what would it say? What would its voice sound like? Some would be easy like Darth Vader or Batman, or some other clearly-defined fictional character in toy form. The ones that are difficult are the generics, like cheap plastic dinosaurs or the super cutesy Littlest Pet Shop figs. You really have to work on getting into their heads. Let the goals and aspirations of that doll inspire you. If you succeed, you are a mad genius. Just try not to let anyone see you doing this. It's just not that cool. If you get busted, you could always say you were masturbating.

b) Put the aforementioned toy (hereby referred to as 'Toy A') next to another toy ('Toy B'). Try to make the two as different as possible. (Mickey Mouse + Spawn = sweet combo) More often than not, you're going for comedy, so the more ridiculous the better. It's called juxtaposition. Look it up if you don't believe me. Oh, and there doesn't have to be just two toys either. I have dozens of Ewoks from the Star Wars Miniatures game, and I'm scouting out some good co-stars for them.



c) Toy A and Toy B need some life. This is where all that touchy-feely "be one with the toy" crap from part a) comes in. How do they see each other? Are these toys enemies? Newfound friends? What would they do together, or seperately (but in the same photograph of course)? I realize that Disney/Pixar covered a lot of this stuff in Toy Story 1 and 2, but that was all sugary kids' stuff. What's the real dirt on these toys? That's what we're after.

d) Props are key. Not 100% essential, but they can really make it all work. One fun thing to do is go to a second-hand or dollar store and pick up the most obscure miniature items you can find (tiny swords, cameras, suitcases, frying pans, furniture, guns, dinnerware, yada, yada). Sometimes you can get a baggie of cool odds & ends for a buck. They don't even need to be toys, and they don't need to be exactly to scale with the figures. Consider this: "Man, that's one huge (gun/banana/mug of beer) in Spider-man's hand. Why is he looking at Strawberry Shortcake like that? And what's he doing with his other hand?" This is the frame of mind you should be in when setting up the shots. (Weirdo.)

Okay, so there's a few tips on working with toys for photoshoots. I think you'll find that they are some of the most patient and obedient models out there. I haven't had to fire one yet. If you were looking for, like, technical tips on what lenses or apertures or lighting to use, you're not going to get those here. Sorry that's just not my bag. Try Ken Rockwell maybe.
 
Hope you learned something other than the fact that I don't get out much. Take care.
 
May the Force be with you...

Random Photo Weirdness

Hi there. Hope everyone (anyone?) out there is doing all right on this fine Wednesday evening. I find myself on Day Two of my blogging career, and I have writer's block. So, instead of trying to come up with something witty or meaningful to say, I thought I'd throw out some random photos that I had in a folder labeled "flickr & websize" on my old hard drive. Conveniently, they're all 'websized' (no - really?) and ready to go without any conversions. They are all at this time or were at one time on Flickr and/or Photo.net, but I haven't frequented either site very much lately, so they may be gone or not - I'm not sure, and I don't want to bother linking them. You can look yourself if it would make you feel better.

All images posted to this blog are, of course, copyright by me, unless otherwise specified - so if you're going to illegally download and print any of them, at least do me the courtesy of mentioning my name when someone says "hey, that's cool - whose picture is that?". Of course, you wouldn't do that to me anyway, because that would mean you are a completely horrible person and you know you'd never sleep again knowing that you stole food from my children's mouths.

Feel free to contact me if you like what you see, and remember that all images are available for purchase. Oh yeah, and I'm also available for hire as well - all the necessary info will be on my website when it's up and running. If you absolutely can't get enough of me (seems there's never enough of me to go around), you can get me here : andonator2000@yahoo.ca

Yeah, it's a pretty weird selection of photos - not some of my best but way better than my worst. As you can tell, my focus as a photographer (get it - focus? Har.) steers toward toys and landscapes.......stimulation and escape.....go figure.

I guess my writer's block isn't as severe as I thought...

For now, enjoy!

May the Force be with you...

Images from the Fantasy Box

So, I had mentioned in my very first post about the box (a milk crate, actually) of old writings I'd found in my basement. Well, there was more than just written words in there. There were sketches I'd done either just for fun or to illustrate characters in my stories (albeit in a rather minimalistic vein). There were maps of fantastic locations, where earth-shattering adventures had once taken place. There are snippets of poetry. Pieces of hand-drawn comics. Even home-made posters advertising my band(s) performances in the 90's.

Rather than try to describe them all, I'll just throw them out there.

For a time, I thought of myself as a starving artist who just couldn't catch a break in this cold, materialistic era... I guess that probably shows through in the pictures and in some of the fiction, but also especially in the more poetic writings. A lot of the negative things that I had to say at the time will likely not see light here - unless they are super cool and worth showing or talking about.

Hope you enjoy these glimpses into my long lost fantasy box. I'm sure it's not the last time we'll see something from in there.....

May the Force be with you...

More Random Photo Favorites

Random Photo Favorites

Doomed From the Start

Bobbie - Silhouette

B&W Crow

Kootenay Lake

Crowsnest Mountain

Just a small collection of photos to give you a taste of my work. If you'd like a closer look at the stuff I do, you can go to
http://www.flickr.com/photos/rebelalliancephoto/

or

http://www.flickr.com/photos/andonator2000/

In any case, there will be new stuff popping up all the time, and I hope you come back for a look once in a while.

May the Force be with you...

Fantasy Box

It all begins with me, of course. Just me. I feel that, more often than not, I have something to say - something others need to hear. It may be news about my photo biz (website is coming soon!), my band In Circles (in venues Spring 2010), my Ebay store (Rebel Alliance Canada), a statement reacting to the world around me, a photo I've taken, a link to or discussion of something I find interesting, or just a general "what's up" sort of thing. I intend to get all that stuff out there, in the public eye for all to see, and have a single place where it can all be referenced and collected instead of being scattered amongst different networking sites or forums or photo hosting sites or whatever.

I`m male, late thirties, married, 2 daughters and a mortgage. I am a Photographer, Musician (I play bass in my band and guitar and vocals on my own), Writer, Artist, Comic Dealer, Husband and Dad. I hate yard work and love beer. I am non-religious, but I read my horoscope every day (I`m a Pisces). My political leanings are to the left, but I fret the guitar with my right. I`m a smoker, but not a coker. I have about a dozen 6 inch Bandai Godzilla figures in my living room, roughly 2,000 Wizards of the Coast Star Wars Miniatures in my basement, every album by Pearl Jam, The Doors and Metallica, and an impressive collection of The Mighty THOR comics. With a resume like that, who wouldn`t want to hear more....

Point is, there is no point. It`s gonna jump around a lot. If you stick around, I might have something for you.

Here's a thing - I opened a box I had stored in my basement, not knowing what was inside, and it turned out to be full of notebooks and notebooks and binders and folders and stacks of lined looseleaf paper - overall, a rich treasure horde of the written word. Judging by the yellowing of the paper, and the appearance of dot-matrix printed pages, I estimated (carbon dating pending) that most of it was written somewhere between 1985 - 1994 a.d., often considered the Fantastical Period of the writings of Andrew Bailer. Who is, of course, me.

Jackpot! I immediately assumed the traditional cross-legged position on the floor next to the sacred box and began to delve into this blessed time capsule of my imagination - a glimpse into my own mind of some 15 - 20 years ago. From an age when I aspired to become a fantasy writer, or maybe a professional Dungeons & Dragons player. At other times in life, I would aspire to be a working musician, pro photographer, web merchant, liscensed chef etc. - these have their own boxes, which may be documented later. Let`s focus on what we`ll call the Fantasy Box.

Within the pages was a complete 42-page short story that I wrote for Grade 10 English class, called Brogan Silvershield and the Book of the Dead. (Yeah, I know that's cheesy, but I was like, 15 - so give me a break.) Also in there was my 3 page epic poem, Ragnarok - The Gods of War , a paraphrased (plagarized?) retelling of the ancient Norse saga of the end & rebirth of the world. Got a 94% grade on that paper.

Also in the box was a surprisingly (near-exhaustingly) detailed campaign world for the Advanced Dungeons & Dragons (2nd Edition) game, incorporating elements of the Oriental Adventures, Spelljammer and Lankhmar (Leiber Rulz!) `licensed` settings as well as a great deal of my own creative writing, including material from the Brogan Silvershield stories.

While I had acted as Dungeon Master for many games of AD&D before, this was one of my favorites. There were Samurai, talking penguins, flying ships, were-dragons and alien sorcerors. It was clearly apparent that I had spent hours upon hours of free time neatly writing out all the details of what was intended to happen to the player characters in my fantasy world. Although the campaign only lasted about eight gaming sessions (our D&D group broke up due to people moving away or family or working schedules or whatever), what was important was that I had created something that had held the attention of others for a good number of hours. Although I didn`t create everything on my own, like the amazing city of Lankhmar or the concepts of interplanetary travel from Spelljammer, or the Lost Island of Castanimir, I have to take credit for the things that I came up with, like most of the supporting characters and the general story arc. I was very proud of this when I wrote it, and reading it again reminds me of that feeling of sharing an entire world with just a small group of people in a room.

Years later I would end up abandoning the game of D&D (probably not forever) and selling my rulebooks to buy music equipment or beer or pay the rent or something, but I will always look fondly upon these writings. I have continued (sporadically) to write fantasy since these days, and some of it may be forthcoming right here in this blog, but this snapshot from 9 - 10 years ago really spoke to me, and told me that it is possible for me to flesh out an entire story in my head and have others hear and approve of it. In short, I opened a box of my old writings and it made me want to get writing again.

A similar thing happens when I open an old photo album or box of homemade jam tapes. Again, each of those boxes warrants another story. Those will be dealt with at some other time.

I guess that will be enough for now.

May the Force be with you...